Patronus
by Aima D. Duragon
Summary: Lily felt the magic before she saw it — warm and radiant like the summer sun against her skin. Severus' patronus burst out of his wand like a cannonball, streaking across the room in a streak of silver light. It took a moment for Lily to realize what it was. A doe.


**A/N:** My entry for round 9 of the QLFC! This one got away from me a bit. I honestly don't know much about the marauders era (and now I've written two marauders fics in this year's competition!), but I tried to keep everyone true to their character. Hope you enjoy!

 **Prompt:** Lily

 **Word Count:** ~2050

* * *

" _Expecto Patronum!_ "

A jet of silver shot out of Lily's wand, taking the form of a spry doe. It bounded around the room, wisps of light trailing in its wake before it leapt up and disappeared through the window.

"Wonderful, Miss Evans!" Professor Brayman exclaimed. "Simply extraordinary!"

Lily beamed.

"Class, did you see?" Brayman gestured to the drawings he'd made earlier on the board. "Did you see how clear and bright Miss Evan's patronus was? Now a patronus of that quality can only come from a truly pure, happy memory. Much easier when not in front of a Dementor, mind you, but still a feat in expressive magic! Five points to Gryffindor for marvelous work. Now, who wants to go next?"

Lily turned just in time to see the rest of her classmates shrinking back. All except for James Potter of course. He was staring right at her, a bold, cocky grin stretching his mouth. Heat crept into Lily's cheeks. She knew he had no way of knowing that the kiss they'd shared at the Yule Ball a couple weeks back had been the perfect fuel for her happy memory, but she had no doubt that he was probably assuming that was the case. Overconfident prick.

Unable to keep the smile off her face, Lily took her place back amongst her classmates, settling in her usual spot next to Severus. He leaned in towards her, his dark hair brushing her cheek. "That was fantastic, Lily."

Lily's eyes left James' to meet Severus'. The difference was day and night. "You think?"

Severus smirked. "Don't act like you aren't acutely aware of it."

Pride swelled in Lily's chest. Severus had never been one to hand out compliments lightly.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts is supposed to be my thing, you know," he continued in a low whisper.

"I thought your thing was Potions."

"Potions?" He raised a brow at her. "Really?"

"You're marvelous at them," she said. "And you're always scribbling notes in the margins of your textbook during class."

"That's only because the author of Advanced Potion Making is an absolute troll."

"Is that you I hear volunteering, Mr. Snape?" Professor Brayman asked.

Severus jerked away, and a cool breeze wafted against Lily's neck, sending a chill down her spine. "Sir?"

"Why don't you come on up here and show the class your patronus."

Severus pushed out a breath between his teeth, and Lily snickered. The other Slytherins and Gryffindors parted around him like a black sea as he walked towards the front of the classroom. Sirius jut his foot out right as Severus was mid-stride. Severus stumbled over it, just barely catching himself before he fell flat on his face.

The entire class laughed.

Lily's eyes snapped to James. He was laughing too. Guilt and anger burned like a fresh coal in Lily's gut.

Severus quickly righted himself, straightening his tie and sneering at Sirius, but Lily could see past the pompous bravado easily enough. The glint in his eyes was a touch too manic — a touch too bright.

Professor Brayman raised his hands. "Alright, alright, that's enough. Mr. Black, you just lost those five points that Miss Evans just earned you, and five more on top of that. Now, Mr. Snape, whenever you're ready. Remember, not just any happy memory will do. In order to conjure a full corporeal patronus, you must be completely void of any negativity. You must remember and relive your happiest moment as if you're experiencing it for the first time."

Nodding, Severus raised his wand.

The classroom went silent.

Severus waved his wand. " _Expecto Patronum!_ "

A wisp of pale light stretched out from the tip of his wand, ballooning out before it faded entirely. Several Gryffindors laughed, despite the fact that none of them had managed to conjure anything better.

"Now you had something there," Professor Brayman said, "but you're going to have to dig a bit deeper. Take your time, now. Deep breath and try again."

Severus sighed, which only served to remind Lily that she wasn't breathing at all. She'd never understood why no one could see Severus the way that she saw him. Sure he could be a bit prickly at times, and he had an ego that could rival any mythological Greek hero, but he was wicked smart, and when his attention was on you it was like you were the only two people in all of existence.

And yet, there was something about Severus that was undeniably terrifying. There was a darkness inside of him that was as captivating as it was infuriating. He was an uncontrollable force of nature — so very different from James. Her sweet, safe, dependable James, whose smile had never been anything but warm.

Severus looked at her, his eyes as black as pitch, and smiled. " _Expecto Patronum!_ "

Lily felt the magic before she saw it — warm and radiant like the summer sun against her skin. Severus' patronus burst out of his wand like a cannonball, streaking across the room in a streak of silver light. It took a moment for Lily to realize what it was.

A doe.

Lily's heart pounded so forcefully she could feel its beat throughout her entire body. If there was an emotion connected to what she was feeling, she had no name for it. Everything in her was in conflict with itself. She was exhilarated and devastated; numb and terrified.

Severus' face was stricken as he stared at his patronus — his ordinarily pale features now a stark white.

The doe disappeared.

Lily could feel the whole classroom looking at her. Looking at _them_. Her eyes found James, and the accusation on his face was clear. It was suddenly impossible to breath, as if the air had been replaced with water and she was drowning in it. Heat rushing down her neck into her chest, Lily did the only thing she could think to do: she turned on her heel and fled.

Cold air hit her as soon as she was out of the classroom, and her lungs screamed in agony as she gulped it down. She practically collapsed against the wall, her mind a tangle of desperate thought. Maybe she'd misunderstood what she'd seen. Maybe Severus' patronus hadn't been a doe. Or maybe it had been, and she'd jumped to a false conclusion. Just because his patronus was a doe didn't mean—

"Lily?"

The sound of Severus' voice was like a prick to an open wound. Lily spun to face him, her pulse jackhammering at the base of her throat.

Severus stepped towards her, his mouth stretched and his brows drawn. "Are you okay?"

Lily had to clench her teeth to keep her bottom lip from trembling. "I—I don't know."

"I didn't know that would happen. You know that I didn't. And just because my patronus was a doe doesn't mean—" Severus' mouth snapped shut and his gaze shifted to the ground. The next breath he took rattled back out of him. "No, you know what, I'm not going to lie to you about it anymore."

His eyes found her once more, dark and vast as midnight.

"Do you remember that night last year in the Astronomy Tower?" Severus asked. "The night we snuck out and stayed up all night watching the meteor shower?"

"Sev…"

"And you knew I hated Astronomy so you spent weeks making sure everything was perfect. When we got there, you already had everything ready — a blanket and food and butterbeer that you'd snatched from the kitchens. We sat down, and you cast that charm you had been working on for weeks, and within a blink we were floating up amongst the stars. The meteors were falling all around us, and I told you that I'd never seen anything so beautiful in all my life."

Tears burned in Lily's eyes. "Sev, stop." But she knew he wouldn't. He was a black hole pulling her in.

"You laughed it off like I was talking about the stars, but I wasn't, Lily. I think deep down you know that I wasn't. We've been dancing around this conversation for too long now, and I can't do it anymore. Lily, I'm in lo—"

"Careful, Snivellus."

Lily and Severus both turned to see James, Sirius and Remus standing just behind them. James' dark hair was flared out like a lion's mane, and his cheeks were blotched with an angry red.

"Come on, Lily," James said. "It's time for lunch."

Severus bared his teeth, his hand automatically reaching for his wand. "We're in the middle of something here, Potter. Or are you too blind to see that without your glasses?"

Lily watched James' temper rise from a simmer to a boil. "Whatever you're in the middle of, I'm ending it. Lily, let's go."

"Just who do you think you are, ordering her around like that? She's a person, not a dog."

"You have a thing against dogs, Snivellus?" Sirius growled.

"I have a thing against xenophobic, pigheaded swine who call themselves righteous."

James and Sirius both lunged at once. Remus was quick enough to catch Sirius, but James' seeker speed an unrivaled force. He slammed into Severus, sending them both careening to the ground. Fists flew with little care of where they landed, though James — the larger and faster of the two — was quickly taking control.

"Stop!" Lily yelled. "Both of you, stop it!"

If either of them heard her, they didn't show it. James was on top of Severus now, his fists slamming into Severus' face at an alarming rate.

Lily pulled out her wand. " _Petrificus Totalus!_ "

James and Severus both froze.

With the toe of her boot, Lily kicked James off of Severus. He fell to the side like a stiff board. She stood over the both of them, her arms crossed and her cheeks hot. "You're lucky I'm not disowning the both of you right here and now. I'm so over this toxic thing between the two of you, so either grow up or get the hell out of my life!"

She pointed her wand at James, silently pleased at the terror that flashed across his gaze. " _Finite Incantatum!_ "

Quick as a cat, James was back on his feet. He stared at her, blood running from his split lip. "Lils…"

"Go to lunch," Lily said. "I'll meet you there."

"But—"

"Go." The order left little room for argument.

Frowning, James rejoined Sirius and Remus and began ushering them down the corridor. Before they were out of earshot, Lily heard Sirius whisper, "That's one scary girl you got there, mate."

Lily stepped over Snape. There was no terror in his eyes; only rage. " _Finite Incantatum!_ "

Severus sat up slowly, his expression a cold, icy plane of bruised skin. He didn't look at her as he struggled to his feet.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked, reaching out to him.

Severus jerked away as if she had struck him.

For some reason that hurt more than anything else. Lily withdrew her hands and tucked them into her pockets, trying her best to keep her own temper at bay. "You should head to the infirmary."

Severus bared his teeth, and they were stained with blood. "So that's it, is it? All Potter gets from you for this is a slap on the wrist?"

"You let me worry about James."

Severus let out a mirthless, barking laugh. "That's just it though, isn't it? Nothing will actually change. You let him get away with whatever he wants."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do! All because you're the sun that he orbits! You deserve better than that, Lily! You deserve someone who treats you like an equal! You deserve—"

"I deserve what?" Lily snapped. "Someone like you?"

Severus flinched, the hard lines of his face shattering like glass.

Guilt flooded Lily's veins. "Sev, look, I didn't mean—"

"No." In a blink, Severus' expression was unreadable; a shadow replacing the pieces that had fallen. He carded a hand through his greasy locks. "I get it. Message received. I hope you have a good lunch with the filthy animals you call friends."

In a flurry of black robes, Severus turned on his heel and walked away. Lily watched him leave, not knowing why she was too scared to go after him.


End file.
